This past winter I dipped my toes into Boudoir and fell in love. The response I received from my girls was amazing. To hear/see that I helped them see their beauty and boost their confidence was truly the most fantastic feeling.
Women in general have the shit end of the stick when it comes to body image. We are told from a young age that you must fit the norm in order to be beautiful. You have to be skinny, but not too skinny. Your hair must be long, your skin must be bronzed, you can't have any cellulite and if you don't have clear skin you're not worthy. I call bullshit.
Eff those standards. Eff the magazines, and eff the people who have ridiculed you for your appearance.
In high school I was lucky to be of average size, but I had horrible skin. I have struggled with acne since I was 12. It's one of the most terrible things to deal with at any age, but as a teenager it literally feels like the end of the world. Beyond RX medication there isn't much you can do. You can't exercise it away, you can't cover it (though I tried) And you can't just ignore it. It was the source of my low self esteem for many years, and to this day I still suffer with self esteem issues because of my hormonal breakouts.
Worse than the struggle of crappy skin is this idea that you must cover it, and how dare you leave your house without makeup?! Are you crazy?! Not to rag on my mom (because she's amazing) but she's the type of woman who refuses to go anywhere or see anyone without makeup on and hair styled. (with the exception of my dad and I of course) So from the time I was old enough to understand, I never saw my mom go anywhere without being done. Why? So from around age 12 until just a couple of years ago I refused to go anywhere without makeup on.
When I met Logan, he told me I was stupid (in a sweet way) he told me my mom was stupid, that girls in general are stupid. He helped me get to a point where I could say "eff it" who the heck cares if I have a pimple? It's life, and I can go to the grocery store without makeup on.
I now wear makeup only on special occasions (parties, or when we are shooting a wedding) When I WANT to feel glamorous and extra. But it's now MY choice. It's not a requirement for me. Of course I still break out from my out of control hormones, but I try my best not to freak out. It's just a pimple (or ten).
I fluctuate in weight- like any woman. I gained about 13 pounds this past winter. I attribute that to finding vegan ice cream that I can actually eat (which is a feat with all of my food allergies) I went overboard (like 4 pints a week) and come spring I didn't fit into any of my summer clothes and the cellulite that I worked so hard to erase came back to my thighs (as did a couple of stretch marks). Breakdowns ensued, and there were a couple of rough days before I pulled myself together and got my diet/lifestyle back on track. 13 pounds shouldn't make me break down right? It's just a couple of pounds. But HOLY SHIT you would think the world had crashed down around me. Again, Logan helped me put things into perspective (isn't he awesome)
I see little girls (8 years and younger) hyper aware of their appearances. I see them trying to hide their tummy's or not smiling a full smile because of a missing or crooked tooth. It makes me want to cry. My self esteem issues didn't start until around age 12. When did little girls start hating their bodies so young?!
I blame TV. I blame magazines. And above all, I blame the women in their lives. To all you mommas reading this, do your daughter(s) a favor.... don't put yourself down in front of her. Don't nag at your extra roll on your belly, or your double chin, or your weird hair line. Don't show her that you have severe insecurities about your body, because all that is doing is showing her is that you don't love yourself, so why should she love herself? It gives those little girls a reason to start picking at themselves, at an age when they should be blissfully unaware of their appearance. Life is hard enough for a girl, make home a safe place for them to feel self love and appreciation.
When I have a session (any type of session) and the first thing a woman says is "I don't want to look fat" it breaks my heart. Especially when it's coming from a fit/skinny woman. You know, the type we all look at and envy. Who made you feel so poorly about yourself? Was it a past relationship (been there) was it the nasty girls in High School (been there too) Why is it so heavily ingrained to hate ourselves? No matter how great we really look? My goal at every session is help women see how beautiful they are, exactly the way that they are, no editing required.
So what do I want you to take away from this ranting? Learn to love yourself, flaws and all. Try your best to focus on those amazing parts of you, instead of the parts that make you cringe. See yourself the way your family sees you, how your kids see you and how your puppy sees you. You are Beautiful, extra weight, crappy skin, stretch marks and all.
Photo of me with my babes, because no matter how terrible I feel about myself- they love the shit out of me unconditionally.
No comments:
Post a Comment